OK OK OK fine...

I won't travel in the Philippines. I get it, I'll be raped and murdered if I do. However, I still might fly there and then connect to somewhere "safer"--that flight is really quite a good deal... =/

On a less morbid, more cheerful note-- I got my hair permanently straightened and have bangs again! I was a little concerned about giving up my curls, but so far (in the 36 hours I have had it ha) it has been sooooo worth it! My hair is so straight, shiny, and unfrizzy! Usually it takes me a long time to make it look that way on my own, and within an hour or so it becomes poofy again--and FORGET it looking nice the following day! But this morning I woke up to perfect, straight, unfrizzy, shiny hair. AND the bangs are way less work this way as well! I guess I look way different as people here have pointed out, but I think I look/feel more like my old self. =)

*Please note the hair straightening chemicals actually lightened my hair up a bit, so don't worry, I don't look *too* much like every one else here with the new 'do ;) Maybe if you're lucky I'll post pictures some day.

Concern

I appreciate all the concerned emails/msgs I got regarding my post about the Philippines. Just know I am slightly intelligent and don't really fancy being sold into the human trafficking industry (my job is already hard enough) or coming back to America in a body bag. I'll be smart about wherever/whatever I wind up doing...

Too many options.

So, I found this super cheap airline that flies out of Osaka once a week to the Philippines for about 6,000 yen (60 dollars)!!! I didn't think that budget airlines existed to fly internationally out of Japan, so clearly that is my way out to SE Asia (that is if I truly have the willpower to save for this proposed trip--which I really really really hope I do), considering other options are going to be around $300-500.

However, this now presents a new problem. Since I have to fly into the Philippines first, before then taking another ridiculously cheap airline to Thailand or Singapore or Vietnam, or wherever my little travel greedy heart desires, I thought I would look into what the Philippines has to offer, since you know, I'd be there anyway. I always thought of this country as dirty and dodgy (probably a lot to do with this country's blatant racism for other Asian countries), but now with some more knowledge of backpacking around it seems absolutely GORGEOUS and UNTOUCHED. That is a problem I hear about places like Thailand, Malaysia, etc because they have become so touristy it takes away a lot of the "feel." But although the cities in the Philippines sound just like the Japanese make the country out to be, it looks like the beaches and small islands are almost deserted and haven't been taken over by tourists yet. And you can do Spanish ship wreck diving tours, or dive with these famous whale sharks that are only in that area. So cool!! So you are probably wondering what this has to do with a problem? The problem is I will only have about a month to travel after my contract because I don't want to miss the holidays again. So, I need to be choosey about where I go. I don't like to bounce around so much you can't even get a good feel for a country or its people. So now I don't know where to go!!! SE Asia has wayyyyyy too many choices!!! =/

Officially official

I just signed my new contract today. I will complete it October 24, 2009. If my plans go well, I will be home late November of next year. See you in about 13 months!

Decision is made

And I think I will be the happiest with it. But you'll have to email me if you want the details. I decided from now on, this blog is not going to be used for personal feelings/ventings/etc. It was never originally intended to be that way. It was always just meant for sharing things I was learning about the country (please see my original inspiration to the side bar regarding Alice in Wonderland), general updates on my life, and random blurbs I felt like sharing. But somewhere along the way, I guess with so much going on in my head, I started seeing this as my vent session. The problem is, this is a public blog and I am literally only venting to maybe 3 specific people who read it at a time, and don't really want everyone else out there to know how I feel about certain things. So from now on, any of that kind of stuff/how I am feeling here/specific stories will be shared through personal email only. It might take a bit longer to hear from me, but that is how I prefer it to be from now on. So from here on out, there may be fewer blog entries, but they will be focused more on how this blog was supposed to be. If you want personal emails from me and don't have my email for some reason, feel free to post a comment or something and I will shoot you an email. Till then, cheers!

My head is too foggy.

There has been WAY TOO MUCH crap going on in the past week, and now my brain is on overdrive. This week is so stressful. 1. I have some things that I don't feel like sharing on a public blog that are nagging me/making it hard to focus on the "more important" issues at hand in my life. 2. I am sick and literally feel like I have no energy, yet have no time to be sick right now. 3. I have to decide whether or not to extend by THURSDAY. 4. I am having a lesson observed that I had a complaint in--so stressful. 5. I have to teach this random extra lesson and be observed by our head office for "experimental" purposes on my busiest day this week-nothing really to do with me, I was just lucky to be chosen as the guinea pig teacher (sense the sarcasm?). 6. We are back onto sales, and I just feel the pressure on my back and it stresses me out!! 7. 2 of my close friends are leaving this week, and one is threatening (if you are reading this, you cannot leave) to leave after Christmas, and it is just disheartening to know I might find myself alone in the near future and I don't know if I can deal like that. I am sure I probably will make new friends, but I don't know, at the moment it is disheartening for me. It is really too much right now, and I just feel so lost and exhausted, and find myself wanting to break down and cry all the time lately.

I honestly have no idea what to do about extending. Part of me is so frustrated with work and issues with Japan in general, I just don't know if I can last another 6 months here. Unfortunately with all these factors dancing around in my head it is too difficult to tell whether this is just a bad time and will get better, or if it is just going to keep going downhill. But on the other hand, I am not even sure what I would exactly be going home to in April? Everyone is doing their own thing. I have come to realize, as hard as it is to accept, that nothing will ever be the same as it was in university. I know when I go home, it will not be how it was. I mean, as much as I miss and long for home, I also remember how utterly bored I was living at home waiting to come here (sorry parents). So sometimes I wonder, what is the point then? I really want to stay so I can travel, but I just don't know if I can survive here for that much longer! I know 6 months doesn't seem like so long, but when a day can feel like eternity here, it really seems overbearing. But then again, there is the economy issues, and I have bills to pay and don't feel like struggling to find a crappy job and figure out how to pay them. Also, I don't want to quit on myself and give up on an opportunity that maybe at this moment seems like crap, but I will appreciate a lot later, just because I am feeling this weak at the moment??? I just really feel so lost here, and have been putting this off denial-status. But now, I need to make a decision, and I just don't know what the right decision is! Japan can be so much fun, yet so painful at the same time. Sigh. Someone just check the box on the contract for me, please.

Well, I feel completely violated.

I was innocently walking home from getting something to eat in my pajamas (which are not in any way sexy might I add)--edit: I was wearing long gym shorts and a sweatshirt--, and heard a bike coming up behind me. And before I could even fathom what had happened to me, the man on the bike reached out and grabbed my butt--but did more than that (so not going to be detailed here)--and made this sexual moaning sound and then just kept riding by as if he didn't do that. I just stood there for literally 2 minutes trying to process what had just happened I was in so much shock and disgust. I was in a very crowded train in Tokyo on my way back to the airport and suspected someone had inappropriately touched me for a moment, but was almost unsure because it was so crowded and could have just been unintentional shifting, and that alone felt very very uncomfortable. But this....I am angry let's just say. This is what I CAN'T STAND about this country. Although "officially" behavior like this is "frowned upon" it is totally accepted, and the men in this country think it's OK to do this to me as I am a foreigner and think of girls like me as public property. Don't be so concerned about me (especially you, my parents), there's obviously nothing I can do about it and unfortunately this happens a lot to girls out here. I know I'll be fine, but I am just really really disgusted right now and feel violated.

Better Saturday

Saturday at work was much better. I just decided to sleep off the bad feelings, and wake up with a new attitude. Everything in life is a learning experience after all, right? I actually had a pretty good work day as well. Saturdays are so busy (7 classes in a row with a lunch break squeezed in somewhere), but we just got a new schedule so I had some new classes and new faces, so it was a little refreshing. After work, I went to my friend's Temakizushi party (do it yourself sushi), It was a lot of fun to see friends, and meet new people, and to make yummy sushi myself. After a few bottles of wine, we decided to head over to the karaoke bar down the road. I am usually not the biggest fan of karaoke, but I was having a BLAST with my friend. We were total mic hogs. Like we literally would sing 4 songs in a row before someone else got a turn. Every two seconds we would turn to each other and go, "OH! We need to sing ----!" And reach for the controller to add it. In fact, we all had SO much fun, that we wound up staying there for FOUR HOURS. We were planning on sleeping at our friend's flat, because it is too expensive to take a cab from there after the last train, but um somehow we wound up being out late enough to make the first train back, haha. So I got home around 6 am, decided I was hungry and wanted to watch the new Desperate Housewives premiere (which was totally lame ps), so I made cheap ramen and stayed up even LATER to watch it. THEN, I went to sleep, woke up around 4pm, and forced myself to go downtown for some shopping (and I was also craving Subway). I am now sitting in my flat being completely lazy, even though I should be cleaning up. But, I have a work conference tomorrow rather than my day off, so can you really blame me for trying to have a little R&R??

Meh

I won't lie. Today was a very frustrating day. Kind of a big plummet on the confidence as a teacher meter. I don't feel comfortable writing about it in this blog though for various reasons, so if you are interested in the story, shoot me an email and when I have a clear mind I will share. Let's hope tomorrow can be a fresh slate.

Kyoto/Nara

I honestly can't be bothered to write you an entire story of my amazing trip, and I actually doubt you could be bothered to read it. So, I am going to go with the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words." Since I took over 500 pictures, that's like 500,000 words for you! Haha. I did caption them to guide your understanding through. I also promise it doesn't take as long as one would imagine to view all of them. But please try to, most of the pictures are great and really show Japan's beauty! I just couldn't stop snapping away! Haha, but then again, when can I ever? =)

I stayed at a very cool hostel that was a renovated gorgeous, old Japanese house literally in the dead center of Gion (downtown Kyoto where the Geisha go to play). The owner was awesome and treated us like we were guests at his home, rather than strangers. I met some very cool backpackers. It was weird. It was my first time meeting foreigners who don't live here and are just traveling through. They were so interested in my life here, and it felt weird having more experience with this country/language than everyone else! They really inspired me to travel as much as I can! Most were from Scotland, England, the Netherlands, and Australia. Very different kinds of people with different reasons to travel here. They were great. I also think staying at this hostel had a big influence on my experience, especially traveling alone. I think I made an excellent decision booking it.

I went to Nara, which is about 40 min away by train from Kyoto on my second day there. It was maybe the best part of the trip. There are so many temples to see in Kyoto, but many are a bit anticlimatic, and surrounded by tourists, so most "vibes" are killed. Also, I realized I don't have a very big attention span for touristy things. I go, take some pictures, say "Ok, I saw it..." and then move on, haha! I mainly enjoyed the nature of this trip, which is why I loved Nara so much. Hardly any tourists in the park, tons of wild deer, and just gorgeous scenery. Arashiyama was also a highlight. It's a huge park on the outskirts of Kyoto, with mountains, bamboo forests, and MONKEYS! I looooved the monkeys. It was quite a hike to get to them, but so worth it!

Anyway, I had a really great time, and although I returned sore and physically exhausted, I felt mentally recharged. I also realized I enjoy traveling alone. I met cool people to talk to/do things with at night if I wanted, but had complete freedom to do whatever I wanted! It was really liberating! It was also just a huge accomplishment to myself, that I was able to do/see everything I wanted to, navigate myself around a quite large city hardly knowing the language, and barely get lost. =) It gives me that "I really can do anything!" feeling.

Oh, and on a side note, my train pass was found! Like 15 days too late! But I was able to get sort of reimbursed. I got a percentage of the amount of days I had left on it, so only like $15, but that is better than being at zero I guess? See? My theory of Japan is SO accurate. People are very honest, yet ridiculous when it comes to common sense (e.g. returning a train pass 15 days after you find it) haha, jk. Sortttt of.... =)

Here are pictures for you....I promise they don't take that long to view =)
Kyoto day 1
Nara day 2
Arashiyama/Kyoto day 3
MONKEY VIDEOS (can you tell I was obsessed? haha).

PS-I removed the music. It annoyed me. It probably annoyed you too haha.